return my video game
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to align my fucking chakras
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
