Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
