you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
