the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize