Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
