if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
