I hope mine doesn't look like that
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
