best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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