wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
