addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
