There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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