Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
