They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
