can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
