it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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