I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
