96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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