so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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