her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
