I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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