i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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