Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
