Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
