So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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