is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
