Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
