i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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