these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
