Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
