i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
