It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize