the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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