Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
