On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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