Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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