She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize