i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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