Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
