party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
