eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
