so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize