I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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