How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
