it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
