i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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