I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
