and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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