whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
