but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
