just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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