You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
