i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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