just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
