I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
