i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
