Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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