Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
