I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize