Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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