I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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