My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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