Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
