Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
worst night to have a conscience
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
