i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
