Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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