He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
