so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
