I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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