I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
