I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
