You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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