I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
