It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
