I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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