Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
