Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
