I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
