It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
