i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
