we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
