I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize