Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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