He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
